Lesbanonymous

Does this feel awkward/strange? I don’t even know…

Wow. Hi, guys.  So… if any of you read my last post - which was awhile ago - she called.  Right now, we’re actually GREAT.  We talk practically every day, she confides in me about her relationship issues, and we’re just generally close.  She told me she realized that she needs me in her life; she’s just not sure exactly how yet.  

I don’t know what that means.

I don’t even know how I feel about her anymore.  I know that I care about her - a LOT.  I know that we have a connection that is really powerful that shouldn’t be ignored.  I know that, at the very least, we owe each other a great friendship.

Do I still want her? Am I still in LOVE with her? 

FUCK if I know.  I stayed at her place the past 2 nights.  I’m back home now.  It was the first time I’d seen her since everything happened.  It was fun.  I was happy.  I am happy. She was happy to see me.  It was great.  The girl she’s with - my ex - is the giant twat I told her she was, and she’s about to break up with her.  It’s weird though… she’s so hurt over it, and I’m not even mad anymore.  I can’t be.  I just don’t want her to have that stupid girl breaking her heart like she did mine.  I know exactly how she’s feeling, by the same girl even, and I hate that she feels that way.  Even though she broke MY heart in the worst way possible, I hate to see her hurting.  

I’m really glad that she came back and can confide in me.  I don’t know where things would be right now if she didn’t have me around… I have that experience, I know the stupid girl and how she works, and I’m an outsider so I have the ability to think about it logically.  

She’s told me how thankful she is to me for all of this.  I guess right now it’s just… everything is nice.  It’s nice to have her back.  It’s nice to be able to see her and hang out again.  I’ll let that make me happy, because it does.

I just don’t know what the future is holding for me, because I can’t figure out what I want with her anymore.  

She totally fucking called me the other night. I’d come to terms with the fact I’d never speak to her again. Well…not come to terms really, but that was the reality I’d accepted. Never would have expected this in a million years. Wow.

I am getting you back. I don’t care anymore. Don’t worry, I won’t be pushy or desperate…I will be sly and amazing and get what I want.

You.

Thank you…you as well!

Ask me anything.

I’m not sure why today in particular. I miss you every day, but today I’m particularly sad to be without you. Maybe because it’s sort of a holiday. One I might have been spending with you, maybe? Tomorrow I’ll be with my family, but today we’re doing nothing and so I’m just sitting around…still wishing I could give you your Christmas present…wishing I could tell you Merry Christmas without you reaffirming that you don’t want to talk to me again. 

I know your sister is in town. I’m really happy for you. I know how much you miss her since she’s moved. I know how she’s the only person who you feel has never let you down. I’m so glad you get to have her around for the holidays.

I miss you. I love you. I hope you’re happy. I hope things are going well for you.

I just want to be a part of it all…

I wish so badly that I could give you your Christmas present…but you’ve made it very clear that you don’t want it. You say to throw it away or give it to someone else. It’s not that easy. It’s not something I could just give to anyone else. It’s something for YOU. 

I so wish I could post cute couple photos like other Tumblrs. I could…but we’re not together anymore. We’re not even friends. We don’t even talk. You don’t even like me. Plus, I’m anonymous…but that’s beside the point. It makes me jealous. I want to show off my beautiful girlfriend like I used to. I was so proud. God, we were great. I want a time machine.